Bliss

Accidentally I stumbled onto foreign ground
Unfamiliar emotions, my head in the clouds
Tangled in a web of unexpected bliss
My heart felt a flutter and slow danced with a kiss

I tried to get up and along with my day
Each time I tried Bliss got in my way
It caught off guard and felt nice and tender
It held me so tight, forced me to surrender

Yes I was scared but I learned to fall back
Enjoying sensations as I began to relax
Let down my defense and the deeper I fell
I mastered the touch, sound, taste and the smell

I must be in heaven, but how could this be
How is it so perfect and why can't I see?
Because I was blinded I learned how to trust
In order to continue this was a must

Bliss held my hand as it tossed me around
In a sea of affection I wanted to drown
Totally vulnerable and no longer afraid
I followed Bliss blindly down the path that was laid

I was in for a surprise as the lightning struck
I regained my vision and began to wake up
I looked all around for my euphoric friend
My defense slowly rose as reality set in

I then came to realize, Bliss had gone on his way
Attacking his next victim and leading them astray
I was left all alone to fend for myself
Placed remnants of my heart on the back of the shelf

I dust myself off and continue life's race
Then vowed to never revisit this place
I partied with Bliss and for once I felt free
But that wasn't freedom, I was being naive

To trust with my eyes closed? Where was my head?
I gave all the power to my heart instead
If this is what happens when Bliss sneaks in
I'll watch closely next time to avoid accidents

I'll think with my head and not with my heart
I'll follow my mind, next time I'll think smart
Keep a lock on emotions and toss out the key
Take precaution when approached by the Frenemy
Bliss...

Silent Volumes

If someone is on your mind don't wait to call them. You never know when a simple hello could save a life.

Surrounded by dysfunction her entire life
She prayed for nothing but peace
A lifetime of failure left a broken soul
And lost hope in all systems of belief (religion)

After years of searching she found solace in love
Not prepared for constant rejection
Internal distraction caused a reaction
Which led to loneliness and depression

A series of breakups, loss and despair
She found comfort in agony
Thinking it was normal to love her then leave
Her true self she could never be

Seeking acceptance from anyone who'd listen
She was pulled in every direction
From nightclubs to drugs she ran with no plan
Her new found love was deception

Ignoring the pain no regard for disdain
She shrugged at significance
Laying with strange men again and again
Never considering the consequence

While speeding through life she ignored the red lights
Chasing instant gratification
With the needle in her arm she ignored the alarm
And perceived it as a mini vacation

With all the wrong friends she stood alone in the end
Instead of coping she chose to run
The tainted reflection of her life’s own deception
Led her to pick up the gun

Click, boom, POW she imagined her finger
As the trigger cocked back in salute
One single tear caused her makeup to smear
The gun clicked with a jam and no shoot

By default she was alive and to her surprise
The phone rang before she could try
She answered it slow as her mom said "Hello,
For some reason you were on my mind"

For the first time in years she burst into tears
The caller unaware of her violence
She looked at the phone, how did it ring?
When the volume was set to silent....

What’s Behind a Smile?

A friend committed suicide recently. No one saw it coming. :-(

Did you notice my frown
As I walked around with my head hanging down
You say get over it, there are other fish in the sea
But in my love sick mind she was made especially for me
God thank you for this gift finally
A series of unfortunate events that makes my life well spent seem worthless
According to God’s law life was supposed to be better than this
He will never put more on you than you can bear, at least that’s what they say
If that’s the case then why did He take my family away
My wife, my kids….. I made them my world and now the memory seems distant
So much for a life well spent
I went looking for a job today. The man said there’s no work
"I’ll call you when I have something I think you deserve"
For a quick second I imagined murder but drove home instead
I thought about what would happen if I made the traffic light green when it really was red
A five car pile up wouldn’t guarantee my death
So I go home and ask myself what’s really left
I had a conversation with my mother about my fatality
"Son think about your family," that’s what she said to me
All I could think was…. Momma you don’t see it but I’m probably better off dead
Later that night I got on my knees and prayed by my bed
Lord what about the promises You made
You said my good deeds wouldn’t go unpaid
I tried to do right but what has that done
I took a boy in need and made him my son
I fathered two kids and gave them a home
I loved a bitch and she left me alone
I tried to do right against probability
As hard as I try I see no possibility
I know what I’ll do…..take their advice and wait for it to pass
As I tossed and turned satan crossed my path
“I have an option to end all this pain
You’ll never have to worry about your situation again
Here is a rope a noose and a chair
What’s the hold up? The back porch is right there
Take control of your heartache….. let His will be done
Hanging is less painful than use of a gun”
I rose from my bed at 5 in the morn
No consideration for the damage I’d done
I forgot to think twice about the grief it would cause
I didn’t remember the consequence of God’s laws
An act of desperation to end it all
Ultimately led to a major downfall
As I tightened the noose, placed my feet on the chair
For a moment I was happy to end the despair
No pain no agony no regrets for my past
I said a final prayer for this breath was my last
Thank you God for giving me life
I now say goodbye to the anguish and strife
To momma take care, please keep my family strong
To my cousins and brothers just try to hold on
You’ll never understand because I cared not to share
I tried to reach out but no one was there
I’m not holding you responsible for not hearing my voice
I let darkness consume me, that was my choice
One last request and I know this is foul
Never underestimate what’s behind a man's smile

The Honeymoon

Me and a friend were playing around so I asked to give me a word and I'll write on it. His response was Honeymoon and Dreams. I combined both and this is what I came up with. And the poem won a poetry contest!!! 11.3.10 My first win and I am so proud.  

Yesterday we spoke our vows
We woke up today in bliss
The clear blue sky where the sun arises
No honeymoon is grander than this

Room service at eight in a four star hotel
The Hilton to be exact
Ocean view on the penthouse floor
With designer robes to match

Breakfast at nine massages at ten
The limo arrived at eleven
We spent the day shopping for gowns and tuxedos
For our five star meal at seven

After our dinner and ballroom dance
We made love on our luxury covers
Candlelit bath, we both are so happy
Thanking God we have each other

I then fell asleep in paradise
Awakened by reality’s alarm
We weren’t on an island, we weren’t at the Hilton
I stared silently as I lay in his arms

There was no clear sky or limousines
No spas or massages at ten
No luxury covers or designer robes
There’s no penthouse at the Red Roof Inn

Our shotgun wedding at the courtroom’s alter
No invitations, groomsmen or brides
No flights out of town or wedding receptions
This was all his money could buy

One night’s stay with checkout at twelve
My dream honeymoon didn’t exist
I wanted to slap him but then I remembered
True love is more precious than bliss

Lonely But Not Alone

At times I feel God is playing games with me
I may have His grace but I question mercy
I pray for black and he sends white my way
I pray that I leave but I'm forced to stay

I have wants and desires to do something huge
But obstacles and setbacks are my only refuge
I spend all my time thinking positive things
I believe in His word and the promises it brings

But sadness creeps in; so does pain and heartache
I try to be strong but how much can one take
They say let it go, be patient, move on
I’m only a human and sometimes not so strong

The mind of the married won’t understand my blues
They have love and companionship to go home to
The world of the lonely is more independent
Every episode in life is spent unattended

No point in complaining it won’t change a thing
Dismiss thoughts of marriage and wedding rings
Convincing all others that your life is just fine
Having a mate is no way to define

When the sun starts to set and you’re all tucked in
It’s when you’re alone that the grieving begins
You think of your day and play back the events
Identifying each moment and how it was spent

Although you feel thankful, you start to feel down
Looking for company but no one is around
Tossing and turning you finally admit
Alone is one thing but lonely is different

There is an advantage, don’t misunderstand
You have total freedom when you don’t have a man
You eat when you want and clean as you go
You learn who you are and you’re able to grow

Like any other situation there is a downfall
When you’ve had a hard day there’s no one to call
Your friends are attached, they don’t have the time
They’re no longer single, their blues ain’t like mine

In the midst of alone you’re forced to look up
You need His friendship so you won’t give up
They all have their mates but Lord where is mine
“Be patient my child, he’ll come in due time”

All of a sudden I am able to rest
It’s not playing games but only a test
Sometimes you feel lonely but you have to hold on
Know who you are and keep pressing on

He knows our desires for He placed them there
All of His children are in His care
Because of His grace I find peace on my own
At times I feel lonely but I’m never alone

The Higher She

It's the simplest aspects of life that inspire me
Anomalous concepts, thoughts, ideas and feelings
To record through pen but I just havent been
Motivated or in the mood
To do anything, not even share food for thought
Or any of the other things that I have been taught
Chains of hindrance got the best of me
But I escaped and finally I broke free
No longer bound by the world's idea of reality
But lost in my own sea
Of truth, often revisiting my years of youth
Without regret
And I feel good that I no longer shed tears of joy or sorrow
For certain instances of my past
Instead now I can think freely and laugh
Because I have evolved and grown
And I no longer try to live this life on my own
Instead I read and seek
Ways to get closer to the supernatural force that drives me
Reminds me to keep striving because I know he's residing and
Providing knowledge and wisdom
So I can be the higher she
The she whom He created me to be

Hypocrisy

Overly practicing hypocrisy
Contradicting what you preach
Labeling yourself a Christian
But going against all that you teach
Let’s discuss religious rules
Bending them to work for you
Yesterday you were self righteous
But today you seem confused
From the scriptures you profess
To the words you manifest
Although you claim your way is right
You’re still a sinner nonetheless
You’re only saved because of grace
Yet you try to win the race
When did conviction become a game
False examples and saving face
Are you hiding behind belief
Keep it real and spare the grief
Cause I’ll argue all your flaws
And leave you craving for relief
Are you sure hell’s not your home
With all the nonsense you condone
You tried your best to convince me
I know your thoughts when you’re alone
Heavenly father where is my blessing
Are those the words that you’re confessing
Where is all your religious faith
Once the devil gets to testing
But when I go against the grain
You’re quick to judge and rearrange
Fast in condemning my train of thought
Arbitrating in His name
How dare you attack my way of living
When your heart is unforgiving
Imposing artificial beliefs
Did you forget that’s also sinning?
But since you worship that doesn’t apply
You break the rules then justify
You sin first then ask for mercy
I guess the measures don’t apply
Does that give you an open pass?
And now you think you’re free at last
Go to church just for routine
Even Jesus has to laugh
The most repulsive group of topics
Religion, race and politics
I’ll just agree to disagree
And stay away from hypocrites!